FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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