i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
foreskin is a definite game changer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
