is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
