Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
