Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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