Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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