just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
