If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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