If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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