These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
