I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
