Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
