your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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