Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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