Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
