My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
