The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Girls should come with a carfax report
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
