i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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