Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
