I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
