My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
