someone threw a dead crab at me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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