WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
