Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
