Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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