A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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