what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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