You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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