I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
