I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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