he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
