you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
