you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
