I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am spending my child support on dildos
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize