apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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