don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
