i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
