dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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