I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
