If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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