it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
