Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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