It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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