I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
