shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
