I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
