I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize