I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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