i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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