My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
