after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
