We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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