remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
