Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
