Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
