Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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