I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
