good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
