i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
