Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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