dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
