I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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