Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
