speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize