i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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