Got a toothbrush?
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
