I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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