Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it glows. i had to have it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize