All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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