You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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