I can feel you judging me through the phone.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
