dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You are a genius and a whore.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
