your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
