There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
