went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
